Remember that show “Loose Knit” I mentioned in my last blog? You know, the one that I've spent the past 2 ½ months stressing about? The show that I had to readjust my work schedule for so I was making less money while spending more to bring a theater show to NYC? You know, that show that I had to commit so much time to I had to miss out on other performances, paid gigs and auditions? Well, it’s officially dead in the water. No performances for us! Why? There is a long list of things that went wrong, some of which are absolutely our responsibility and we as a theater company have taken note on how to adjust for the future, but the number one, glaringly obvious, top reason we were unable to bring this show to opening night is because one of our main actors quit last Friday. She auditioned for a commercial that she knew would interfere, booked it, and then sent us a curt email on Friday telling us she was peacing out... She quit two days before tech rehearsal and five days before opening night. She referenced some union clause and then simply decided she couldn't be bothered with our production anymore. She let everyone down, and the worst part was it was a choice.
I have, more often than I would like to admit, been a part of a project that I was less than thrilled to be a part of once certain aspects of the production were revealed. Since none of the negative aspects of the productions went against any of my deep morals, I always saw them through because that’s what you do. You learn what you don’t like about the experience and you look for the red flags to avoid being stuck in those situations in the future. I am not proud that something I helped produce was considered a bothersome project, and I can’t blame anyone for feeling frustrated at this particular rehearsal process. Regardless, you do not quit a show two days before tech rehearsal and five days before opening night. Any actor who has any respect for the rules of show business knows this.
While I am still reeling from the betrayals, lack of accountability, and missed opportunities to perform both in and outside of this production, I have to say this is the most constructive first major failure I could have hoped to have. I have the other members of my company to work through this with and, despite the frequent fits of angry screaming and crying that we are at times overcome with in our individual personal time, when we are together we put on our brave faces and find ways to laugh through all of this bullshit. It’s rare to find people who you enjoy working with when things go wrong. It has made us a stronger theater group and closer friends. I am more excited for the future of our group than I have ever been before.
To say I failed is to also admit to taking a risk. Now what's important is the grace in which I handle this failure. As the great Muhammad Ali once said after losing the most historical boxing match of all time - "I never thought of losing, but now that it's happened, the only thing is to do it right. That's my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life." If the great Ali can say that after losing millions, I can say that after losing a couple hundred. Of course, the money isn't the only factor, but when you're a producer it's a big one.
Whelp, gotta go finish refunding everyone who donated to our indiegogo campaign! This is EXACTLY how I wanted to start my weekend. (But seriously, thank you to everyone who donated to our indiegogo campaign- You will be getting your money back.)
**Let it be noted now that I am speaking from my own heart. I am writing this as an individual, not as a representative of my company.