Earlier this year I wrote what was a first in a series of blogs on Vulnerability. Vulnerability is the most important tool an actor can possess, and it's one of the hardest emotional places to find yourself. After I let life happen a bit more, I'm back with some more lessons on what life has taught me. As I've stated before, I'm no expert on the topic of what makes someone's feelings worth being exposed, but I'm diving in with my own experiences. So, here we go. Vulnerability 201.
Being vulnerable can feel really shitty sometimes. I don't want to say that I've done things I regret, but I've definitely done some things where I just have yet to discover what I was suppose to have learned from the experience. But that just means I've still got a lot of discovering to do, which, focusing on the silver lining, is incredibly exciting. Life is nowhere near done teaching me lessons. I'm putting my faith in time...though I'm not even really sure what that means since time can be measured and defined in so many ways (so deep) (that's what she said).
Sometimes you don't want to wake up for that audition. Sometimes you want to scream at how faceless you are in what feels like the most claustrophobic environment. Sometimes you want to stay in bed and sleep everything away. Sometimes you want to stay up all night with friends and sometimes you want to lock everyone out and hide from the sun. And at some point, all of that is okay.
What's not okay is not being honest with yourself. It's okay to give yourself what you need. It's just that sometimes in order to do that you have to admit to certain feelings that might scare you. The peace of mind that comes with treating yourself with respect, however, is worth it. You don't always get what you think you want, but you get what you're one day going to need.
Respect yourself so much that you never have to doubt your ability to be vulnerable. Be so brave that being hurt doesn't scare you. Be proud of your scars. They make you distinctly you.
And also scars are super bad ass.